Piss jousting is not a sport for everyone. A gentleman’s game usually involving two players, but sometimes a third. The winner is the one who can urinate the longest, therefore establishing himself as the dominant male. A king among men.
There is very little that compares to such a war of attrition, surviving the International break may be the only thing. In a world of such atrocities that can devastate a man to his core it is so wonderful to have the constants. Death, taxes and the Premier League.
It would probably be fair to argue that in a world where a photograph of an avocado is the most popular image on the internet, there clearly isn’t enough bleach on this planet. If there were we’d have culled the human race and successfully wiped out over population.
There isn’t and we haven’t, which goes a long way in explaining why grown men would boo their own team at a football match. There has been a lot of frustration at United of recent and much of it is justified, however it is hard to justify turning on your own team and manager in the way the Old Trafford crowd did on Tuesday.
There is a lot 36 pounds can buy you. Half a tank of fuel, ten pints and most of Kerry Katona. It could also get you a seat at Old Trafford on Wednesday night. Though it seems strange that an establishment would charge such a sum of money rather than just spooning your eyeballs out with an ice cream scoop for free.
The display against Middlesborough midweek was atrocious, with or without lasers.
Realistically this United team are suffering an identity crisis. The crisis is entirely based on consistency. One week they’re world-beaters, capable of dispatching any opponent. Other weeks they’re just a fart in the bath.
Sunday afternoon sees the first instalment of the Manchester derby this season, as United host City at Old Trafford knowing a win would take them top of the table.
Last season United won the corresponding fixture 4-2, taking a crucial step towards securing a top four finish and securing their first league win at Old Trafford against their local rivals since 2011.
After the start to the season and all the reinvention of the side over the summer the performance against Arsenal was about as disappointing as a dry January with Amy Winehouse.
Lethargic, naïve and amateurish. Like a member of fat fighters being de-flowered, United’s midfield were appalling at the Emirates. They were not alone as there are few who can look back on that performance with any sort of pride. An uncharacteristic lack of character.
It has all suddenly gone very quiet. The ripple of silence is almost deafening. Similar to the reaction following an announcement that the Eurostar is delayed, no one is saying anything.
The media have put away their pens, binned their headlines and deleted their drafts. The critics have been silenced. United are top of the table (or at least were for a couple of days, until City trounced Newcastle).
Manchester United v Wolfsburg
Champions League, 2015-16
Date: Saturday, 30 September, 2015
Time: 19:45 BST
Venue: Old Trafford, Manchester
Where to watch: BT Sport Europe
Live Stream Info: BT Sport Live Streaming
Manchester United are cruising in the league as they went on top of the table after their latest 3-0 victory over Sunderland. David de Gea kept his second consecutive clean sheets in a row and the Latest bookie free bets back the English club as favourites to seal their fourth victory in a row.
What has been impressive so far for Louis van Gaal’s side is their defence. The Old Trafford club have conceded only five goals and are share the top spot with Tottenham for conceding less number of goals in the league.