United off on a Swan hunt


2BAFC8BA00000578-3212002-image-m-11_1440620816668Bank holiday weekend is upon us and football is already twice as drunk as your Nan. This weekend has begun with more shocks than a Guantanamo-themed birthday party.

After two defeats last season that felt like sucker punches, United will hope to put an end to their losing streak against Swansea. It won’t be easy as the outfit from Wales’ second city looks to be a side in form at the moment that is ever improving under the leadership of Gary Monk.

While Jonjo Shelvey may give us an idea of what a Chernobyl victim at the centre of the blast may look like he is currently proving to be a fairly shrewd midfield powerhouse.

Swansea are moving like a well-oiled machine, whereas United are more like an old toaster. It’ll get the job done but it might burn your house down.

Manchester United team news

Apart from Phil Jones the entire team is fit, so United’s injury crisis has yet to fully kick in. With Jonny Evans leaving the club one crisis is already being averted.

It might have been because his eyes were too far apart, but the Irish centre back just never fit the mould of a Manchester United footballer.

With Evans gone it is almost guaranteed that United will simultaneously lose Daly Blind and Chris Smalling to bird flu, while Marcos Rojo will be forced to return to Argentina to ensure Antonio Banderas never appears in a production of Evita again. Up-front, Wayne Rooney ended his goalscoring drought on Wednesday as United finally looked fluent going forward but things are expected to be a lot harder against Swansea than they were against Brugge.

Swansea team news

Swansea also boast a fully fit side that have the consistency of a Mary Berry cheesecake. Solid at the back and dangerous up front, the Welsh side will be tough to break down.

Key men

With his hat-trick in midweek and a somewhat disappointing reign as captain Wayne Rooney will have to do a lot to prove that he can lead this United side.

The England striker is currently doing his annual impression of a bag of cement. A touch that is shakier than Michael J Fox’s signature and a lack of pace that wouldn’t look out of sorts at a fat fighters relay race.

His performance on Wednesday showed he might not be quite as finished as some thought but it might have also papered on the cracks, for United still need another striker.

Sunday is a tough test for the entire team and United need more leaders in the side to ensure that they can start making an actual claim for the title this season.

Rooney needs to lead from the front and most importantly he needs to score regularly again.

Predicted XI


William Dawson



  1. I still challenge anyone who still think that after 80m spent, our team is NOT weaker than last season?

    Depay is no better than Nani.

  2. Gary Neville has hit the nail on the head. We play football like we are winning 2/3-0. Rooney does not have the pace or hold up play in his locker to play as a lone striker.

  3. make that 250mm spent in 2 years, and we lose to Swansea 3 times on the trot and from the looks of things we’ll be lucky to finish 4th again. And you’ve got VanGaal making outlandish comments again like we “dominated for 85′”. Never mind that he got rid of all strikers we had and got stuck with utter-rubbish Rooney, missed out on Vidal for past-his-expiry date Schweinsteiger, and traded the best keeper in Europe and one who won everything with Barca for Sampdoria’s back up. I’ve said it before: this guy is a disaster and the sooner he goes the better; we’ll be stuck in mediocrity for ever with him

  4. The point is we haven’t spent 80m or 100m or anything like it. The net spend this time is around 11m and it shows. We still need a goalkeeper (I have little faith in the DDG situation even for 1 season) and Romero was poor yesterday – Lindegaard would have done better. We need a CB – the Smalling/Blind axis was found wanting at Swansea and will be again unfortunately and we need a striker. Rooney needs to play No 10.

    The system we are employing is too predictable and easy to defend against. There’s no pace down the flanks unless Shaw has the ball and then if he’s caught upfield Blind doesnt have the pace to cover. Memphis is struggling to adapt because he has far less room and time to play than he’s accustomed to. He doesnt seem to have the confidence to use his pace to go on the outside and keeps on checking onto his right foot and coming inseide. Mata shouldn’t be on the right flank. He has no pace and keeps on wanting to come inside too. Our attacks become too congested as a result and against compact defences like Swansea’s are generally pretty innocuous. LvG has to think again on all of this.

    There’s still lots of work to do and I doubt very much if anything will be resolved before tomorrow’s close. At this rate we can hope to scrape another top 4 position and that’s about it. It may not be enough to save LvG’s job though, unless he has some luck with one of the cups.

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