Nov 02
United sign new Rooney…
… we are of course talking of Wayne Rooney’s newborn son — who we haven’t really signed but we imagine will be tearing up the pitch in about two decades from now — Kai Rooney, born at Liverpool Women’s hospital.
According to the spokesman, “Mother and baby are both absolutely fine. Wayne and Coleen are thrilled with the wonderful addition to their family life.” We wish Rooney all the best as a daddy.
Also, the baby must have broken record of sorts as he gets his first fake twitter account within minutes of birth. So far, it’s funny as hell!
Related items from Red Rants:
- Fantasy Football – untold riches await you…
- How to Buy a Player From Spurs: A Primer
- The Scholes-Sunderland connection is BS
- Manchester United Sign Tevez?
- Man Utd v West Ham: Preview
Tags: News Snippets
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:14
Some of his fake twitter updates:
“2 hours old… already put on a stone in weight. Mum said cake is fine as long as it’s soft. Dad had one with him so had some of his.Nice!”
“Getting fitted for my first set of boots. Dad says he was playing in the Everton reserves by 3 hours old so no pressure…”
“Daddy says he hopes my ball control is better than my bowel control. Already filled my nappies twice!”
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:22
@Red Ranter:
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:26
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=639483990
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:26
Since we have been talking a lot about players we would like to see at the team I thought I would start a conversation by asking all of you, who are the five players you would like to see at UNited and who are the five players you would like to see gone?
As for the players I would like I have to start with either Neuer or Adler as our future goalkeeper and then I have to say David Silva, Jack Rodwell and Milos Krasic. I admit to jumping on the Milos Krasic bandwagon even though I have only seen him play three times. He impresses the heck out of me though. Silva is a priority though. Seriously, Fergie should forget about David Villa. He will cost too much and he will struggle along with Rooney and Berba due to the inadequate service our midfield presently provides. I’m also not big on his age. Although far from being finished, I cannot see more than two or three good years from him and then he is going to be too old to be as effective as we would like. We need to discover a great young striker like a Pato and go after him. Aguero of course is still my number one choice but we will never ever get him or even go after him because he is too pricey.
Now as for players I most want to be gone, this list is restricting because trust me, I have more than five. And when I mean they must go, it’s not because I hate them, it’s because they are either useless or their time has come. They are, EVDS, Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, Nani and Paul Scholes. Some explanation is needed. I love Rio and EVDS, but Rio’s age and his back have slowed him down considerably and it’s time for either Jonny Evans to step up permanently or a player like a Jack Rodwell coming to the team and becoming the heir to that throne. EVDS is 39, must I say more than that. Love the Dutchman but we must get younger. Paul Scholes to many has been one of the greatest midfielders in English histroy. He has never been my cup of tea but I do respect and appreciate his extensive and impressive service to the club. But he is done like dinner and must go NOW. The same must be said about Neville who has never been a favorite of mine and who I have always had issue with. Now he is slow, and dumber than ever and he has shown a selfishness by holding on to the captaincy that I for one do not appreciate. He needs to retire and go off and reunite with his two brothers Phil and Franck Ribery and have a family reunion.
Finally I come to a name which I am struggling with but before Craig and other fans of Nani scream curses at me, please hear me out. I really like Nani a lot. I think their is a footballing giant hiding in the little man but I just do not think it will ever surface for United. I think the pressure of Fergie and the pressure to be Ronaldo has hurt this lad and has made him unable to show for United the form he does for Portugal. Therefore, for his good, not United’s, I would like to see him go elsewhere so that he not only starts but where he can show and strutt his stuff. He has the skills, but something about him here at United is repressing him, and it does not do him or the club any good.
Many of you might be surprised that names like Park, Evra, Anderson and Foster were not on my list. While it’s true I am not a big fan of these players, I am also fair and I must for the sake of the team let these players have their run. Evra can be world class when he wants to be. The reason he doesn’t go is that even when he is poor, he is better than most LB around the world. A difficult position to fill so I put up with his Skinned Sausage ways. Anderson probably may never be my cup of tea but if he plays more games like he did this past week vs Blackburn, then there may be hope. He needs to become consistent and he needs to find the stamina to goal full game at 100%. That and improving his shooting and finesse may win me over. Lets say he is on probation with me which will give him at least one more season to prove his value. Park serves a purpose defensively but no way do I get this guy to start very often. If I need a super winger shadowed and harassed on the road, I start Park but take him off by the 60th minute. Otherwise, he serves no real purpose because his attacking skill set is nil and void.
This brings me finally to the biggest surprise of all, Ben Foster. It is clear that Kuzczak will never be #2 in Fergie’s eyes therefore, Neuer or Adler will need a #2. I have many issues with Ben Foster but as a #2, I am willing to give him the time to improve on his many flaws. Perhaps with time and with the help of a teammate like Neuer or Adler, he can develope and become a more complete keeper. The reason I keep him is because I am not blind. The man has the ability in his reflexes and shot stopping to be a game saving keeper, but his other fundamentals are not just poor, but horrible. However, they all can be improved on as a far #2’s go, he could be a very good one. Whether he would accept such a role after EVDS is gone is doubtful but never say that I wasn’t fair. If he wants to leave, then Pig is just fine for me as a backup although I would love United to sign the Burnley keeper Jensen as our backup. He is very solid and very physical and just my kind of keeper.
So there you have it. I’d be very interested to hear what many of your choices would be. Lets compare notes
MUST BUY:
David Silva
Manuel Neuer or Rene Adler
Jack Rodwell
Milos Krasic
MUST SELL:
Paul Scholes
Gary Neville
EVDS
Nani
Rio Ferdinand
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:27
If that bit about Neuer loving Shalke is true, I hope he stays there. Too few players honour their allegiances these days, it would be refreshing (like Casillas at Real).
Adler looks more realistic, and cheaper.
Agree that we won’t get Villa. Class act, but would be the end of Berbatov. Unless we could do some kind of trade of course. We’d also be back to be completely unable to the hold the ball up (front line of Nani, Valencia, Rooney and Villa? No aerial ability whatsoever).
In a sense our biggest asset is our biggest problem. Rooney requires a certain type of foil to be at his best, and that foil doesn’t seen to be available anywhere in world football. We need someone who is both able to hold the ball up and be competitive in the air as well as being able to run the channels. Berbatov physically should be able to do both, but does neither all that well.
I know he’s a Chelsea reject, but I for one would love to give Carlton Cole a serious look. Very young, has all the attributes to work with the Roon. Only problem might be his injury record. But if West Ham have a fire sale…
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:44
This is immensly funny!
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:50
I’m very happy for Wayne. I for one was not aware that he was close to becoming a dad and now things make more sense to me. Such a big event can distract the greatest of players and so if Rooney seemed distracted or off his game for the past month or so, it certainly is understandable seeing as he was about to become a dad. Hopefully he will want to welcome the birth of Kai by offering the lad a heck of a birthday with a brace of goals vs Chelsea at the Bridge. I expect Rooney to play really well now that the stress has been lifted and he has even more to play for.
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:52
@Beachryan: I am not big on any British strikers like Cole and such but if I were to take a chance on any of them, it would be on Kenwyn Jones. His size and physicality is an attractive weapon and there is a potential Drogba in that player that could be brought out under the right manager and team.
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:52
@Beachryan: I agree about Villa somewhat, he wouldn’t give us another dimension. But right now I would settle for someone that could bury the good percentage of his ops.
The tune being played now would be different if we’d beaten Blackburn 5-0, and with clearcut ops that were left begging, that score line is not far fetched!!
November 2nd, 2009 at 18:59
@Redrich: Great point. Like I said the other day, the bifg difference between us and Chelsea in terms of goals scored is that they don’t just bury their opportunities, they create more chances. So as bad as it was seeing Obertan, Berbatov and Owen miss absolute sitters, those really were the only other great chances we had in the game. The bottom line is that football is also controlled by the law of averages. Basically a good team should score on 2 out of every five great chances. In that sense, we did that but Chelsea created ten great chances therefore they doubled our total by scoring 4 times. We need to create more chances if we are to totally embarrass our opponents and dominate them.
November 2nd, 2009 at 19:24
@Grognard: 2 out of every five??? i would say 1 out of five would be plenty
November 2nd, 2009 at 19:39
@Grognard: i think kenwyn jones is real gem and was surprised no top 10 club picked him up after keane left the black cats..to me carlton cole is not a top 4 player…just isn’t technically as good…and we see more of your silva love..great player but i fear he might end up like tosic..i think fergie wants defour and we will get him next year if he can still play well after his leg break
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:07
@Matthew-W10: Not if we are only creating five chances a game it’s not.
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:10
A player i never mentioned earlier that I think would be a great acquisition as an attacking midfielder would be Bordeaux’s Gourcuff. Tremendous skills and finesse and also, I think he can be bought because of Fergie and United’s strong relationship with Bordeaux’s manager Laurent Blanc. I see lesser than usual obstacles getting in the way of a possible deal.
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:31
@Grognard: You never said this when foster gave birth earlier this season. Just saying.
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:35
@Dan: Oh come on mate, really? We all know this Foster thing pisses both of you off. Do we really have to wreck a perfectly decent day so far? You not only make it bad enough for both of you, you make life hell for me too just to pacify the two of you. (“Just saying” doesn’t help once you’ve thrown the idea out there.)
Although, in a lighter vein, Foster gave birth?
That explains his labour pains. 
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:36
@Red Ranter: Yep, he did. It was during an international break in fact.
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:38
@Dan: I know that. I thought his wife gave birth. But you said Foster gave birth.
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:41
@Red Ranter:
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:44
@Grognard: I thought that a large part of the reason for Rooney’s looking off focus was his wife’s pregnancy and, more recently, her being overdue. I remember our doctors getting anxious to induce birth after a few days of my wife’s being overdue. They start talking about all the increased risks and that stuff makes you nervious.
Congrats to the new daddy!
November 2nd, 2009 at 20:46
@Grognard: Jones is from Trinidad and Tobago. Not that it matters much to the point.
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:22
@Dan: 0_o
whatte…
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:22
@Grognard: yeah true but we usually create at least 10-12 chances and yesterday against blackburn we had 25 shots…only 6 on goal though which is not acceptable.
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:25
@Dan: Foster is a dad?
Our lads are really growing up… 
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:35
I think there is an interesting subject going on right now. At least with my friends, Ive got a couple of friends who are big followers of La Liga, and they keep updating me with news from there. Apparantley Atletico are doing shite in the Spanish League, bottom of the table after 10 games or so. Aguero aint doing to well either, and signs from their games is that he seems unhappy or dissapointed. If Atletico dont wank on he may be seiled for a transfer away from the capital club come this summer. Would be nice to see Aguero, and he may go for as little as £20 million. Any thoughts?
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:39
@Footy4Eddy: It would be great to see him, but i think he’ll cost more than that, try 40m!!
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:42
lil` Wayne
November 2nd, 2009 at 21:45
@Redrich: Doubt it if Atletico end in bottom 10… The Spanish League is crazy that way, Valencia nearly got relegated the season after they ended 3rd in the table, Betis ended second last the last season they were in the Champions League and Deportivo was such a great side a few years ago, is now struggling for life in La Liga. If Atletico fuck up, Aguero may well arrive for £20 mill or maybe even less!
November 2nd, 2009 at 22:22
@Matthew-W10: It’s not about how many chances we create, but how many sure fire quality chances. Whenever Anderson sends a shot into the 40th row, that is considered a shot at goal and a chance, but it is hardly a quality chance. The chances Obertan and Owen missed late in the game is more the kind of chances I am talking about. We need to double the total of those types of chances to become a better team and to become more dominant.
November 2nd, 2009 at 22:23
@Footy4Eddy: I think everyone already knows my thoughts on Aguero.
November 2nd, 2009 at 22:36
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qicgb5bioXM
Wow!!!
That dude sure likes his mama. 
November 2nd, 2009 at 22:37
@Footy4Eddy: Aguero may have said he likes Utd, but with our Argentine past (Veron, Heinze, and Tevez), I foresee trouble with Aguero…
He just has the looks of a spoiled chelsea brat, especially with his ties to the ever-corrupt Maradona.
Nonetheless, I would be excited to have Aguero!
November 2nd, 2009 at 22:38
@[OPTI]Madschester United: You’re actually judging a man by his father in law?
November 2nd, 2009 at 23:30
@Dan: I NEED people to click the link. This shit works, ive seen some of the other pics, and i wont spoil it for you lot, but PLEASE click on it!
November 2nd, 2009 at 23:52
@Dan: DONT CLICK THE LINK!:lol:
I sent it to a mate, i dont know if hes screwing me, but hes saying that his spyware is saying to avoid this site. Now ive had no trouble with it, no one else has had any trouble with it, but i dont want to risk it whatsoever, so just delete your history and leave it alone.
Last thing we want is a virus showing up midway through our united streams.
November 2nd, 2009 at 23:58
@Dan: I’ve warned Eddy about this sort of thing before, and I’ll repeat it. Unless these sort of things are really relevant and have been proven to be safe, I don’t want them posted. The last thing I need is to screw up people’s computers because someone posted a link before they could double-check its safety.
November 3rd, 2009 at 0:02
@Red Ranter: Tbh, i think its safe. I have had no problems with it, no one else has had any problems with it. Its just this one guy saying it, and he has in the past lied as a joke. But i dont want to take any chances so…
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:45
What kind of name is Kai?
I’ve only heard in Denmark where it is spelled “Kaj” and you are made fun of…
The most famous Kaj is this green frog:
http://www.drilmedia.dk/stills/48635/48635_014096_014.jpg
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:13
@Red Ranter: When it comes to football, yes! Why? Here’s why:
1. , Benjamín Agüero Maradona is the name of Aguero’s kid — Maradona’s name is the official last name (weird for non-royalty).
2. If rumors are true, Maradona has great influence on Aguero’s footballing decisions and Maradona is said to have suggested Aguero should join Inter:
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:37
@[OPTI]Madschester United: You said he has the looks of a spoilt Chelsea brat (and highlighted the ever-corrupt attribute of Maradona) — basically implying he’s of the diving, cheating, variety. You questioned his character and professionalism because he’s Maradona’s son in law.
Now you’ve changed the argument to saying Maradona influences his club decisions — completely different arguments. One can look to Maradona for advice regarding joining a certain club, and yet remain a fine person. Most of Argentina idolise Maradona (despite his failings as a coach) Doesn’t mean all Argentines are diving cheats. A lot of Argentines look to him for advice/inspiration.
Naming his son after a father in law can also be because of the influence of his wife — we have no idea who had a say in that, which means we can’t you are forming an opinion based on conjecture.
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:37
@Grognard:
theres an argentine striker who cud be great signing for us – Higuain from Real! He is really suffering there – in the shadows of Ronaldo, Raul, Benzema et al despite being their best player! If Real recall Negredo next year he might want to leave.
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:52
@[OPTI]Madschester United: Aguero and Maradona are not exactly buddies in arms because, I read in some rag that Aguero is reportedly divorcing his wife, planning to. He had been spotted at some night club cozying up to some other female. Plus, if you haven’t noticed, Maradona has not picked Aguero for a lot of the recently concluded world cup qualifiers.
I also heard that there is some trouble with Aguero, Riquelme’s brother and Maradona. Apparently, Maradona’s daughter was seeing Riquelme’s brother – can’t recollect his name and then she ditched him and went for Aguero. Or something of this sort. So saying Maradona has a big influence in Aguero’s life is like saying Fergie influence’s Becks’ career decisions.
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:56
@[OPTI]Madschester United: Aguero and Maradona are no longer on good terms. His marriage has been rocky and the fact that Maradona has benched him for Argentina has made them strangers.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:01
@jos: Maybe it’s because he plays for Real but the has never done anything for me. I want Aguero not because he is Argentine, but because he is world class. To quote the song “If I can’t have HIM, I don’t want nobody baby”.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:38
@Grognard: Four players that must leave:-(In no particular order)
1. John ‘O Shea
2. Michael Carrick
3. Gary Neville
4. Paul Scholes
With regard to O shea, sorry but he just does not have the skill to be an offensive right back which is critical in the modern game.
Carrick, has lost it all, motivation, drive, the need/want/hunger to be successful, but who can blame him, think he has reached his personal goals.
Scholes and Neville, They doing more damage than anything else.
Four players we must buy!
1. Right back
2. Striker
3. Attacking midfieder(Play maker)
4. A goal keeper
I think whats important is not who United buy rather the type of player they buy. You mention Silva, I ain’t sure about him. Sure he possesses all the qualities, but the english league is not easy to adjust too.
With Ronaldo Sir Alex had time to groom him. Silva will probably need as season or two, do United have a season or two?
What I cant seem to fathom is Sir Alex’s decision to play 4-4-2 without any attacking player having a single ounce of ability to head the ball. Its been well documented, but still cross after goes unattacked. And this leads to players like Nani and Valencia being critised for their final ball, truth is , people should look at our forwards, they offer no movement whatsoever, neither do they attack balls played into the near/far post.
And lets face it, United have no money to spend. Lets just hope our “transition period” is as smooth as possible.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:39
@Red Ranter: my corruption charge does not imply diving but Maradona’s infamous Cocaine addiction and epinephrine scandal. With such character and influence on Aguero coupled with Aguero’s dip in form this season and our past history of Argentine United players, I foresee trouble by signing him. Call it a gut feeling.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:44
@[OPTI]Madschester United: I intentionally didn’t bring up the drug abuse, because I assumed you wouldn’t draw such a ridiculous line connecting those far-fetched dots. But now that you have, I’ll leave it without further comment…
I agree on our history with Argentine players, and it’s an unfortunate one. But the drug connection is far too tenuous.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:46
@New one:
In:
Right back: Maicon — can hold the reigns until Rafael is ready
Centre Mid: Enforcer, please — Essien-type
Goalkeeper: Neuer/Akinfeev
Left Winger: I like the idea of a younger player < 24 yr, Ashley Young? Or is that too stupid?
Out: (I am having a hard time removing people)
Carrick
Neville
—- <— blank (Thought about OsheaI still find him useful as a backup of all trades)
—- <— blank
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:47
@Red Ranter: Like father, like son… I am not saying that Aguero will copy his father-in-law, just that the character of an influential person is flawed and that may impact Aguero’s decision-making down the road.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:54
@[OPTI]Madschester United: I think this debate has veered into gut feeling and conjecture, but Aguero isn’t a confused teenager. He’s an adult, who would know better than getting into drug abuse considering the shit Maradona got into. He might get career advice on clubs to pick, but he’d be mad to go the drugs way. Even Maradona won’t advise him to take drugs. Anyway this is a pointless debate; I still can’t believe you would think Aguero taking drugs is a possibility.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:00
@Red Ranter: I NEVER said that he would take drugs… I merely used the drug connection to show that Aguero’s father-in-law and confidante (Maradona) has serious problems making the right decisions and yet is advising Aguero (at least on issues involving which clubs to go to). Whether he listens or not, we will not know until we see where he ends up.
Goodnight, I am too tired to continue
Goodnight. I am too tired to go on.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:08
@[OPTI]Madschester United:
Fair comment, but I think we have enforcers or the equivalent in Fletcher and Hargreaves, it is in the creativity department where we fall short.
By the way am all for English players which is apparently very controversial. Would love to see Ashley Young@United, wouldnt mind Lennon either. All in all things are not as bad as they seem until we lose again….
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:32
@Aditya: No wonder Riquelme was dropped from the Argentina team. Maradona lacks so much professionalism in his managerial tenure. Everything with him is petty and personal. Christ how I despise that punk.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:36
@New one: I see your point about Carrick but I am willing to give him some more time. I have no problem with O’Shea because for me he is an ideal role player. It’s not his fault he is being continually used at a position that he is not great at. Yet, I do not feel he has ever really embarrassed himself anywhere that he plays. For me he is a versatile utility player and therefore very valuable. We can’t all be Ronaldo’s and Cantona’s. Finally you mention the positions where we need to improve in, but you give no names. I want to hear names mate. I want to know what players interest you.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:41
@[OPTI]Madschester United: I’ll have you know that being one’s son in law does not ensure for a grand friendship or willingness to trust one another. In fact, I hated my father in law with a passion. He was a total cunt. I never let him influence me one bit. Apparently Aguero and Maradona have not been getting along for quite a while now. That for me shows good judgment on Aguero’s part.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:43
@New one: Seriously, I do not want to hear the name Hargreaves again until he has played ten games straight without complaining about injury. It is ludicrous to pin our midfield hopes on his return knowing the seriousness of his knee problems and the lack of success that athletes have in coming back from this affliction. There is a reason United want to offer Owen a pay as you play contract for the future.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:10
@[OPTI]Madschester United: You are too easy in your team players matey… Even though I am one those who are little opti about this season I would still be able give more than 5… To tell you frankly we all know that oldies are no longer part of it…. So, 4 of those are definitely out isn’t it????
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:38
@Grognard: I aint denying the fact that O shea is an invaluble squad player, he has proved that over the years, but really now, United’s first choice right back?
Problem with O Shea is simple, he does not offer anything going forward!
Okay, you wanted names..
1. Luka Modric, play him in the right position(Behind two strikers) and he has the ability to orchestrate a beautiful symphony.
2. United should have signed Alan Hutton, he could have developed in a great right back. Ideally Ramos would be nice but he cant defend all that well. And Maicon is not in the age group of players I would sign.
So here your guess is as good as mine, but make no mistake, we need a right back!
3. Goalkeeper: I dont want the next Peter, I want a Peter. Young promising goalkeepers?, well thats all they will ever be. We need a campaigned seasoner.
4. Striker, Alan Shearer in his prime lol. Think we should have given Bent a look in, look at what he and Jones are doing and they really troubled us too, and we lost the plot when we didnt sign Huntelaar. He is a goal scorer, period!!!
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:18
@New one: Grogys gonna love you…
.. You said it… The HUNTER right????? 
November 6th, 2009 at 20:50
@Red Ranter:
Thats so funny…